


Animalia Chordata Sauropsida Reptilia (Why snakes?)

by chickencrust



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Apartment Complex AU, Emails, M/M, Non-Idol, Texting, Tweeting, dick jokes and the like, everything that isnt good ole storytelling, just dudes bein pals, thats the funniest tag ive ever typed, vague ironic mention of daddy kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8307781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickencrust/pseuds/chickencrust
Summary: kim mingyu really likes his neighbour, his neighbour really likes reptiles
alternatively: a story told through everything but storytelling





	1. iguanidae

**Author's Note:**

  * For [okaytlyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaytlyn/gifts).



> i dont know what this is nor do i know how/when ill finish it  
> but i need to write something to stop feeling useless
> 
> dedicated to kait because <3

**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Wrongly Addressed Letter  
Hiya hyung!  
I got a letter that definitely isn’t for me. It’s written in Chinese. Are there any Chinese people in the complex?  


**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Hong Jisoo  
**Subject:** Re: Wrongly Addressed Letter  
Hey, Mingyu!  
There is a 徐明浩 in 613, so there might just be a mishap. His name is Seo Myungho. Deliver it to him, maybe?  
Joshua  


**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Wrongly Addressed Letter  
You’re an angel  <3 

-

**woof** @kmgggg  
SNAKE

 -

_To: 1woo_  
MAN u will not BELIEVE what just happened!!!!!!!!!!

_From: 1woo_  
it’s two in the morning. does this have to do with your twitter post?

_To: 1woo_  
do u remember that time we got piss drunk and performed voulez vous in my apartment hallway lol

_To: 1woo_  
more importantly: do u remember the guy u slung ur arms around?????

_From: 1woo_  
please do not remind me.  
what about him?

_To: 1woo_  
snake

_From: 1woo_  
he’s a snake? i'm a snake? you’re being vague

_To: 1woo_  
he HAS a snake he has several snakes he has an IGUANA

_From: 1woo  
_ you like a reptile.

 

_From: NO!!!!!_  
wonwoo tells me u like a snake

_To: NO!!!!!_  
wonwoo is a LIAR and do NOT even think about it

_From: NO!!!!!_  
this is not the first time uve liked a snake is it? (:

_To: NO!!!!!_  
jeonghan will u PLEASE just let it go it was in the past

_From: NO!!!!!_  
(:

_To: NO!!!!!_  
not my fault jisoo hyung is so nice

_From: NO!!!!!_  
why dont u call me hyung?

 -

**NOT a teen mom** @95chns  
haha #tbt to when mingyu had a crush on shua

**woof** @kmgggg  
@95chns its tuesday #tbt is throwback THURSDAY

**woof** @kmgggg  
@95chns and fUCK off

**daddy dom** @s_coups  
@kmgggg @95chns everyones had a crush on joshua

**NOT a teen mom** @95chns  
@s_coups @kmgggg was i talkin to u “”””””daddy dom””””” ?

**daddy dom** @s_coups  
@95chns @kmgggg no, but i replied “””””cheonsa”””””

**woof** @kmgggg  
@s_coups @95chns go fight somewhere else old ppl

 -

**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Hong Jisoo  
**Subject:** The Letter  
Hello!  
Did you find out if it was addressed to Myungho?  
Joshua  
 

**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Re: The Letter  
I didn’t know pets were allowed here  


**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Hong Jisoo  
**Subject:** Re: Re: The Letter  
Furry or loud ones aren’t. Why?  
Joshua  


**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: The Letter  
Oh, I see. He has reptiles.  


**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Hong Jisoo  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: The Letter  
Oh my  
Joshua

-

**woof** @kmgggg  
why are all the hot guys straight or reptile lovers


	2. python reticulatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mingyu doesn't tell anyone about snake boy, but everyone seems to find out anyways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone please stop me

**LEAVE ME ALONE** @kmgggg  
theres nothing quite as terrifying as high velocity reptiles..  


**LEAVE ME ALONE** @kmgggg  
@kmgggg it came RIGHT for my face i swear to god  


-  


**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Chinese?  
Your boyfriend speaks Chinese, right?  


**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Hong Jisoo  
**Subject:** Re: Chinese?  
Yeah, he does. Do you need any translating help with Seo Myungho? I recall him as quite good at Korean…  
Joshua  


**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Chinese?  
It's nothing to worry about, really!  


-  


**NAEGA HO(e)SH** @snootyoung  
@kmgggg rumour has it…………. u have a crush  


**LEAVE ME ALONE** @kmgggg  
@snootyoung ITS NOT A CRUSH IVE MET HIM LIKE TWICE  


**NOT a teen mom** @95chns  
@kmgggg @snootyoung mingyu has a crush on his snake neighbour lmao  


**NAEGA HO(e)SH** @snootyoung  
@95chns @kmgggg i thougth u only called josh a snake??? :0  


**NOT** **a teen mom** @95chns  
@snootyoung dont bring that up  


**daddy dom** @s_coups  
@95chns @snootyoung #busted  


**LEAVE ME ALONE** @kmgggg  
@s_coups @ 95chns @snootyoung get off my timeline i hate u all  


-  


_From: dont answer_  
so…… lover boy  


_To: dont answer_  
new phone who dis?  


_From: dont answer_  
ha ha very funny  


_From: dont answer_  
gotten any further with snake boy?  


_To: dont answer_  
one day im gna block ur damn number jeonghan  


_From: dont answer_  
ill tell on u to joshua  


_To: dont answer_  
ill tell on U!!! to joshua  


_From: dont answer_  
fine be that way  


-  


**LEAVE ME ALONE** @kmgggg  
I Was Threatened  


-  


**To:** Moon Joonhwe  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Chinese  
what does baichi mean  


**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Moon Joonhwe  
**Subject:** Re: Chinese  
do u mean báichī? 白痴  
and why dont u just text me i gave u my number like months ago  


-  


**wjh 준** @whenjunhui  
emails..? @kmgggg  


**LEAVE ME ALONE** @kmgggg  
@whenjunhui dont @ me  


-  


_To: Nice Gay_  
what does 白痴 mean  


_From: Nice Gay_  
it means idiot  


_To: Nice Gay_  
fuck  
  
-  


**NOT kmgs mom** @95chns  
when did my son stop loving me………  


**nahc eel** @chan1102  
@95chns when did he ever love you  


**LEAVE ME ALONE** @kmgggg  
@chan1102 @95chns when did he ever love you (2)  


**NAEGA hosh….** @snootyoung  
@kmgggg @chan1102 @95chns dats a real family right there  


-  


_From: Nice Gay_  
why did u want to know what 白痴 means anyways?  
  


_To: Nice Gay_  
my neighbour (snake boy, says jeonghan. pot, meet kettle) said it ystrday  


_From: Nice Gay_  
snake boy, ur crush? why’d he say that?? Lol  


_To: Nice Gay_  
i asked him for a cup of sugar and dropped it upon being attacked by a giant reptilian monster

_From: Nice Gay_  
wow  


-  


**NAEGA hosh….** @snootyoung  
@kmgggg u do know lizards cant fly right  


**LEAVE ME ALONE** @kmgggg  
@snootyoung FUCK off u were NOT there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please dont expect fast updates ever i am a terribly slow person actually This is a lie
> 
> the twitter idea was 100% intentionally inspired by my pal nizs wonhui fic 'under the flower petals' (http://archiveofourown.org/works/6602794), calling wonwoo 1woo was 100% accidental  
> please do read the fic
> 
> to clear things up if its confusing:  
> @kmgggg is mingyu  
> @95chns is jeonghan  
> @s_coups is seungcheol  
> @snootyoung is soonyoung (my favourite twitter handle)  
> @whenjunhui is junhui  
> @chan1102 is chan
> 
> 'NO!!!!!' and 'dont answer' are both jeonghan  
> Nice Gay is junhui


	3. pogona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mingyu gets a little further with his cute neighbour  
> (kind of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas!!!!!!

**jun &josh <3 **@kmgggg  
2016 love story: “wanna meet my iguana?” 

**daddy dom** @s_coups  
@kmgggg dick joke?

**[funky pop music]** @ujihoon  
@s_coups @kmgggg did he get you to suck his dick

**jun &josh <3** @kmgggg  
@ujihoon @s_coups NO HE HAS AN ACTUAL IGUANA  
 

-  
  


_To: 1woo_  
[image attachment: xiaoyi.jpg]

_To: 1woo_  
he kisses this goddamn iguana

_From: 1woo  
_ did he make you kiss him too?

_To: 1woo  
_ no apparently shes a lady so she doesnt kiss on the first date

_From: 1woo  
_ he probably saw you shaking in your boots

  
-  
 

**wjh** @whenjunhui  
never expected to receive a call from mingyu claiming wonwoo bullies him  
   
**eddy the fox** @jonwonwon  
@whenjunhui what can i say, i’m a big bully  
   
**jun &josh <3** @kmgggg  
@jonwonwon @whenjunhui THAT WAS C O N F I D E N T I A L

**wjh** @whenjunhui  
@kmgggg @jonwonwon confidential smonfidential

**eddy the fox** @jonwonwon  
@whenjunhui @kmgggg 96 line loyalty

  
-

**  
To:** Park Soonkyun  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Missed assignment  
Hello, Mrs. Park Soonkyun,  
I apologise for handing in this assignment overdue. I’m afraid I was caught off guard by a request from a friend. He wanted me to watch his reptiles. Here is my assignment and a picture of the lizards.  
Mingyu  
_Attachment: GroupIsolation.doc, lizbians.png_  
  
**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Park Soonkyun  
**Subject:** Re: Missed assignment  
Hello, Kim Mingyu,  
Thank you for handing it in, even if late. You don’t have to attach a picture of yourself with reptiles.  
Park Soonkyun

  
-  


**josh <3** @kmgggg  
teacher didnt like my lizard pic :(((((((

  
-

  
_To: Nice Gay_  
WHY DID U NOT TELL ME U KNOW LIZARD BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_From: Nice Gay_  
i do?

_To: Nice Gay_  
he called u an idiot w a dumb smile on his face

_From: Nice Gay  
_ your neighbour is minghao?  
  
_To_ : _Nice Gay_  
U DO KNOW HIM U TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
-

  
**josh <3** @kmgggg  
twice today………. i have been Betrayed……… by 96 line………..

**mommy kink deluxe** @95chns  
@kmgggg they only care about themselves……….(and joshua)....... ruthless…………..  
  
**eddie the fox** @jonwonwon  
@95chns @kmgggg 96 line (+boyfriends) loyalty  
  
**mommy kink deluxe** @95chns  
@jonwonwon @kmgggg if only there was some sort of……… hyung line loyalty.. damn….

**father fetish** @s_coups  
@95chns @jonwonwon @kmgggg bitch u arent even loyal to hyung line

  
-  


_From: NOT Nice Gay_

want me to give minghao your number?  
  
_To: NOT Nice Gay_  
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_From: NOT Nice Gay  
_ your twitter?

_To: NOT Nice Gay_  
A B S O L U T E L Y  N O T ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  
-  


**mommy kink deluxe** @95chns  
@kmgggg is the perfect example of body and mind not ageing at the same time  
  
**josh <3 **@kmgggg  
@95chns i literally hate u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas #2!!!!!!!!  
> i hate my life and also fic excange (im crying i love the prompt i just suck)


	4. pygopodidae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hair dye happened. not to mingyu, though (not directly).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to nors: hi :^)  
> to niz: thank u for opening ur eyes to xu minghao

**d-d-d-dickbutt** @kmgggg  
MAYDAY MAYDA Y HE DYED HIS FCKING HAIR RED  


**kimchill the fuck out** @boohookwan  
@kmgggg u did not react like this when i dyed my hair red wtf  


**nahc eel** @chan1102  
@boohookwan @kmgggg he never had a crush on u  


**kimchill the fuck out** @boohookwan  
@chan1102 @kmgggg excuse me but where did i ask?  
  


**mommy kink deluxe** @95chns  
mingyu when snake boy dyes his hair red vs mingyu when i dye my hair red:  
[kermit_ass.jpg] [kermit_tea.jpg]  


**kimchill the fuck out** @boohookwan  
@95chns mingyu doesnt care for either of us  


**d-d-d-dickbutt** @kmgggg  
@boohookwan @95chns start a club lol “ignored by kim mingyu”  


**jeon snow** @jonwonwon  
@kmgggg @boohookwan @95chns the only one not in that club is josh  


-  


**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Bullying  
Your boyfriend is a bully who withholds essential information  


**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Hong Jisoo  
**Subject:** Re: Bullying  
Hey, Mingyu!  
What did he do?  
Joshua  


**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Bullying  
He knows Mystery Snake Neighbour  


**To:** Kim Mingyu  
**From:** Hong Jisoo  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Bullying  
Oh, right! Minghao has stopped by a couple of times, actually. He’s very polite to everyone except Junhui, it seems.  
Joshua  


**To:** Hong Jisoo  
**From:** Kim Mingyu  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Bullying  
He’s mean to me too  


-  


**d-d-d-dickbutt** @kmgggg  
have cried 3 times over his new hair. will livetweet further updates on my emotional states.  


-  


_To: 1whoops_  
From: Me  
is it weird that like  


_To: 1whoops_  
From: Me  
everyone is in love with junhuis bf  


_To: Me_  
From: 1whoops  
i think he was prepared for that when he, also, fell in love with him  


_To: 1whoops_  
From: Me  
shit u rite……..  


-  


**wjhit me baby one mo** @whenjunhui  
you know somethings going down when your friend doesnt immediately make fun of you upon exchanging greetings  


**jeon snow** @jonwonwon  
@whenjunhui maybe mingyu’s unrequited crush isn’t so unrequited after all  


**wjhit me baby one mo** @whenjunhui  
@jonwonwon oh i figured he just got a full night sleep for once  


**d-d-d-dickbutt** @kmgggg  
@whenjunhui @jonwonwon please tag ur Snake Neighbour implications  


**d-d-d-dickbutt** @kmgggg  
@whenjunhui @jonwonwon my Jimmies are Rustled  


**mommy kink deluxe** @95chns  
@kmgggg @whenjunhui @jonwonwon that sounds like an innuendo tbh  


**d-d-d-dickbutt** @kmgggg  
@95chns @whenjunhui @jonwonwon please consider deleting ur account  
  


**mommy kink deluxe** @95chns  
Breaking News: Evidence suggests Kim Mingyu (19) has a snake fetish. More at 6.  


**d-d-d-dickbutt** @kmgggg  
@95chns GGET OFF MY DICK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY AM I NOT WRITING MY GOTDAMN EXCHANGE FIC!!!!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> HONESTLY i do have vague ideas over where to take this and so on but mostly!!!!!! this fic is stress relief for me i have a lot of theatre projects, i have the svt rarepair fic exchange coming up, i have halloween and other stuff happening i just . need something easy and fun to mess around with and i guess this is it.


End file.
